Influence and why I've been hiding from you
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Let me start with a confession: I have been dragging my feet on getting this blog post to you. For weeks!
A while ago, I sat down with influence coach Lacy Schoen to talk about influence in academia and how to use it to advance our careers. You can listen to the podcast episode here.
Lacy and I had been working on building my influencing skills to advance a mission that is dear to my heart, namely creating a fully inclusive environment at the research institute that I've been working at for the last six years.
Over the last year and a half, I built and chaired a group of people dedicated to this mission.
I used the tools that Lacy recommends for building relationships and influencing to give leadership a chance to hear more voices.
It wasn't easy, but after a year or so we were getting somewhere. I finally negotiated a seat at the table with the all-white male institute leadership. Mind you, that's been agreed to but hasn't happened yet.
And who knows if it will because then this happened:
I had been working for a while on moving institutions. Nothing personal, I liked my workplace (until recently...). But after 6 years in the same place, I got antsy about advancing my career. My husband Steve and I also didn't enjoy small-city living in the middle of the Appalachian mountains that much.
So I interviewed, got a job offer and made this known to my boss. All well mapped out and planned.
The thing I didn't expect?
Said boss, who had been doing what he'd been doing for a very long time, responded rather surprisingly. At least I thought it was surprising, because I've been the proverbial "good girl". I didn't cause trouble, brought in grants, published papers, sat on committees, behaved like a good citizen.
Despite my relationship-building and continued service to the institute, obstacle after obstacle has been thrown in my way, making it challenging and stressful to organize the lab move.
I won't bore you with all the details but that's why I felt inadequate sending you a podcast about influence.
In my eyes, I recently failed at influence.
It's been a very humbling experience to be treated as if I did something wrong, being ghosted and, after weeks of silence, told “no” to things that would have made the transition easier, still not directly but via messenger.
But then it occurred to me: In about four weeks, the lab will move. I will get everything I really wanted.
I will have a fantastic opportunity to uplevel my career.
I influenced key team members to move with me, so I won't start from scratch.
Steve and I found our dream house and will once again live in a place we love, surrounded by people we love.
I still wonder whether more badass influencing skills could have created a different, more pleasant experience for myself and my team. I guess I will never know.
I made a distinction though. Building influence doesn't mean you are agreeable all the time. As you see from my story, that doesn't earn you the respect that you need to produce the desired results. Check out the podcast to learn more about what influence really is.
What it is not: A guarantee that all people like you all the time.
In the future, please call me out on my bullshit when I go hide in a corner because not everything goes the way I desire. I guess it's these life lessons that help us grow, maybe especially when it's not pleasant.
Cheers!
Stefanie
PS: I am opening two spots in the Inner Circle, starting in January 2022. If you want to grow your leadership skills with the support of a badass group of research team leaders, hit reply. Let's have a conversation about your goals!